on a note

i've been neglecting this blog for don't how many-th time,.the fact that i keep it private it just i hate starring at the same page from the last post,at least when u make it private u will have to enter segala bagai email n password n i hate doing that too n yadaa yadaa yadaa ...got what i mean? wtv.

i haven't been lazy, honest. i've trying to fill the balance between juggling my studies, my inner passion of lazing around doing nothing,my other cores and writing this blog.

it's the beginning of february already, time really waits for no man yeah? it has been three weeks since the spring term started. one thing that i really love about this very final term is no more lab to dread my day,n no more grumpy problem sheet(it's a weekly assessed exercise) less stressful i can say. but life isn't always that wonderful, to replace with, i've been assigned into a group studies for my final year project. it is horrendous! ommakaii..

god knows how i hate being in a group with these people. i don't know since

i first came here i found it's really hard to fit in, i have this one voice inside my head repeatedly whispering that im not gonna be accepted. yeah all these years i've been worshiping that voice. i avoiding myself as effective as i can to make friends with them, to even bump into them. i am afraid thats not solely because of that voice, first few month was really hard for me that i decided not to try anymore. (see how defensive i am) .you ask me about how it felt to be different, i had it all and it sucks..just because we don't speak the same language we can take them for granted,.have a mercy pls

but alhamdulillah, as lord has promised ;we're not tested for thing that we couldn't bear with. i literally made a few friends, i regard them as help that Allah sends to get through my life here. they have been wonderful, in so many levels.. turns out they not that bad, not like some other people whose i try avoiding from. however that little voice keep watching over me and sometimes i listen to it over an over again. wtf,. this time when i was worrying about my group studies it ripped my whole anxiety

that i couldn't sleep at night before the first meeting.

after a few hours of meeting( yes, i have to spend 10hours a week for this group studies) i found it wasn't too bad at all, they not as f**kingly arrogant as i thought, however not all of them are that nice, there are people who just too self centered, egoistic and offensive. just don't give a crap for those people who look down at you, u know urself better than anyone did. aite?

i really want to try my best for this last semester. embrace every moment i spend with my dearly friends. can't believe in few months i will be done with my degree, i know there are few more years of books and exams but it nearly finish. i will be entering the new phase of life. when i looked back it felt past really moving too fast leaving me for new hopes and surprises in life, i pray may Allah make it easy for us and guide us along the way. i am very thankful for the surrounding i have, in so many ways alhamdulillah,

picture: weheartit

p.s-this is really not an update. pardon me, i have enormous things to be said, maybe some other time.

oh,oh i officially open this blog to the public again. (huh bajet org baca je blog kaw kan);)